The Patricia effect

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Journal Entry for December 14th, 2011 – The last few days, I have not felt good at all. When I meet people, I know there is a reason for it. But I have been dealing with someone that I met who doesn’t handle my personality well. She’s one of those people that I instantly clicked with, and if she hops online and wants to hang out with me, I do. The difficult part is that she thinks I’m neglecting something in my life by spending time with her. I almost never say no when I am asked or invited to do something. The struggle in the last few days is that she feels that because I am available for her that I expect her to be available for me. That’s not the case at all. I like to see her and talk to her, and we’ve already discussed that there are times that she will want time on her own. I’ve also been told that I’m overly kind. That I’m so sweet sometimes that it’s sickening. I don’t know how to BE anyone other than who I am.

When we met, she had this mental image of me being a guy in a wheelchair that sits in the corner and drools all day, so I stepped up and showed her my own independence and my personality. But…she likes to be in charge.

Why do I continue to be friends with this woman? I feel that I’m meant to be there for her. I’m right where I need to be right now.

This is something I actually wrote in December 2011. The woman in question was named Patricia, this was near the beginning of our relationship. We had only known each other since August and this is how I was feeling in December. After sometime, she began to trust me. She became part of my family. She met my grandmother and everyone close to me at a family reunion nearly a year later. She was my best friend for three years. We had our issues and as the Journal entry above indicates she was not afraid to tell me when I was in her face. After three years she was taken from me, murdered by her husband September 25th 2014, He also met my family at the reunion they attended. I recently came home from our 2015 Family reunion, it was close to where she lived. If she were alive, she would have been there, and loved every second. I tell this story about a friend I lost because it goes with a post on this blog about my personality and smothering people. The above entry is how Patricia and I started, she found me overwhelming, and was very unsure about me on certain days. By the end of our relationship, I was her best friend, and a vital part of her family. I felt I was supposed to be a part of her life from day one. The point of this post is, never give up on people, Life is short, too short to walk away from anyone who treats you decently most of the time. People today have very short attention spans and even shorter fuses. There were times that Patricia got frustrated with me, or that I got frustrated with her. We spent several months in our relationship not speaking.

I truly wish now that could have the time back. Who knows, we might have changed the the World together. The people you surround yourself with and your relationships, are all that’s important in this world.

She sucked me in from day 1

Do not take them lightly. My relationship with Patricia maybe the secret ingredient to my future success. You never really know how people will influence your life path, It maybe years before you understand how important your relationships were to your success. Take care of them, don’t neglect them, and be thankful for each one you have. They may be moving you toward being the person you want to be.

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