Category Archives: Comedy

I love it when a plan comes together

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It may seem a little ridiculous in 2016 but there are only a few tables at most restaurants where someone in a wheelchair can sit comfortably. I’m not complaining, I’m just stating a fact. High tables don’t affect you at all if you’re not in a wheelchair. Most people who eat out are totally able to use them. I was out with my family this weekend for lunch and the table we were seated at didn’t work because it blocked the aisle so that other customers and the waitstaff couldn’t get by my chair.

The waitress did not understand why this was a problem until I demonstrated it to her. The comic today is funny but I’ve actually been in that exact situation many times.

I’m may be in the minority here, but I don’t actually believe that it is a restaurant’s responsibility to plan for every different type of disability. I actually think it’s my job to plan smartly and be able to adapt to any situation. I actually had a woman tell me that she didn’t want to go out with me, because it would take too much planning. It hurt me at the time, but it’s actually true. I very rarely leave my house without a plan. I know what I want to do, and have some idea of the path I need to get there.

It’s very rare that I go into a restaurant with no accessible seating, but it does happen. It’s even rarer still, in that situation that the staff isn’t willing to do the extra work for me to have a comfortable experience. Whether that means moving a table, or actually moving a party that is already seated, I’ve had both happen.

Thing is if I happen to go into a restaurant with no available seating that suits me, finding another restaurant with similar food that I want usually isn’t hard. I usually don’t find it useful to complain at all. When I roll into a room, people already have some idea of what they think of me before I even speak. I don’t think it helps their perception of me if I am rude, or if I let them know that I feel I’ve been discriminated against. In my mind that puts a bigger barrier between them and me then the one that’s already there from the start.

I know that’s probably not a popular position in today’s world. Everyone feels as if they have the right to speak up and be wherever they want to be. That maybe true, but I believe I have to pick my battles every day. If I can’t get into a certain restaurant that’s not really the end of my world. In my experience when you look at life that way, it becomes much less complicated.

Evie would you pass me some pancakes please? Thank you for another fabulous comic.

I didn’t need a go cart as a kid I had a wheelchair.

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It doesn’t matter whether you are in a manual wheelchair or a power chair, to everybody who was walking, it looks like a go cart. I have adults, meaning people over 30, constantly asking if I would like to race,. I think a lot of them were being serious. Then there are the guys who ask if I have ever seriously considered souping up my chair with nitro or something. That probably needs to be a new reality show on cable. Rocket Chairs (working title ).

I’ve had plenty of fun in every chair I have ever owned. I went to summer camp every year when I was a kid. I remember one year in particular, that one of the guys I went to camp with, pushed me to the top of the hill,(it took a lot of work) then at the top, got momentum going and stood on the back of my chair and rode all the way down. We were probably doing 25 miles per hour by the time we hit the bottom. Looking back I could have been seriously hurt, but it was a blast.

I have people in public routinely ask me if I have a license to operate my chair, I have to bite my tongue every time, because it is usually the guy who almost hits three cars on his way into a parking lot that asks me the question. It’s a wheelchair that does 4 miles an hour, not a UPS delivery truck.

I’ve often thought that wheelchair racing should be a sport. You could have each chair sponsored just like NASCAR. A bunch of spastic disabled people racing around a track in supercharged power chairs. I would watch that.

 

A big round of applause for today’s comic please. Thanks Evie. I do have one question though, where is the cat? She couldn’t ride on the back?

 

Anybody need a ride?

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Kids love rides they always have. When I was younger, neighborhood kids would hold onto the back of my electric chair on skateboards or roller blades, and I would take them around the neighborhood. Of course when I was younger I never thought about charging a fee, but some of them probably would have paid it. My nieces love to ride. I usually have one standing on the back and another in my lap. If there are other kids around they get them involved as well. Most of the time it’s something that I really enjoy but I do wish that I could charge the occasional kid a fee, I mean after four trips it’s like come on kid aren’t you bored yet?

Adults don’t usually like to ride unless they are in the bar and stupid drunk. Then they ask to ride. It is always kind of sad to me to be the sober guy in the bar, and to know that the woman in my lap who requested a ride around the bar won’t remember anything in the morning, and if the same woman saw me on the street the next day, I’m not someone that she would speak to. I have had sober women take rides before, but it is much more rare. Most sober people believe that I will break or the chair will. Neither has ever happened. Sober people don’t always like my driving however. When you have someone in your lap a straight line is hard to do just saying.

 

A round of applause for Evie please, and the fabulous comic.

 

Speed dating on aisle 5

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I don’t think I need to say a lot here. I will say that none of those conversations have ever turned into a date. I think most women want a guy who can reach stuff for them not the other way around. Anybody got any good grocery store pick up lines?

As always thanks to Evie for making us all smile.

Happy Friday everybody

True stories of being special

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I have been “special” for my entire life. Rode a special bus. Went to special class. Have a special chair, and “special needs.” I love to speak, I’ve been doing it in front of crowds since I was 14 years old, I have bombed once. It was a large group of old men. I was about 17 and it was a lunch program. Their faces never changed, and they never moved. Looking back on it, I’m pretty sure they couldn’t I understand a word I said. The rest of my experience has proven that if the group I am speaking to has a pulse, I will be well-received and I will probably get a standing ovation at some point.

This is not because I’m the greatest speaker to ever live, or because I have some special talent. It happens because I speak my mind, in words than normal people can understand and relate to, and because I’m special. I can get  on on to a stage and say “my dog is brown” and a third of the audience for find it inspirational. Why? Because of where I sit. Because they can’t imagine having my circumstances, and how tough it must be. Truth is I’m just a guy. I go through life like everyone else. I have ups and downs just like you. The only difference is, my chair is comfortable

If I’m ever sitting outside of someplace like a restaurant or a movie theater, one person will stop every 15 minutes and ask if I need help or need to call for a ride. I have had 90-year-old grandmothers using walkers offer to help me. I’ve had moms with a mini van full of kids ask if I need help. Every so often one of these people will literally pat me on the head and say it was nice to meet me. I don’t mind this most of the time. I’ve learned that it comes with the gig. The only downside to this is that no woman will ever take you seriously if she has seen another person pat you on the head in public.

Worse than being patted on the head, is when someone talks to you like you’re two. This happens to me a lot in restaurants. I’ve been out on dates and had the waitress ask my date what I would like to drink. They look at them and say” and for him?” This is when I speak up and let them know that I do in fact possess the power of speech. You would think that this would give them a clue that they can treat me like an adult. Some do, and some try to give me a juice box.

What’s my point with these stories you ask? It’s simple, never make  a snap judgment about anybody. Always assume that you are talking with someone who is at least as smart as you, probably smarter. If you don’t know what to say, just say something, because acting like that special person in front of you just won the special olympics, or is invisible, is worse  than saying something stupid. If you pat them on the head at least you’re doing something and I guess. Just don’t be  real obvious about it.

Thanks again to Evie for the comic. She is on roll. Happy Friday everybody.

Do you trust the bladders of those around you?

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I truly enjoyed being in the pool when I was little. Up until the age of 16 or so. I had to have a lot of help. I mean a lot. When I was in the pool, someone had to hold me, or at least give some support. most of the time that was my mom. It was good exercise, my arms and legs got a great workout. At some point mom stopped wanting to get in the pool. I never had a hot girlfriend that wanted to take me into the pool, so my options for partners were limited.

Also, this comic is pretty much true. I’ll admit I peed in the pool. I could make lots of excuses, but I’m pretty sure all of you have done it at one point or another even if you don’t remember. If you were ever  in the pool as a small child, I guarantee you did. Go ask your mom, she’s probably got a few good stories, and maybe even some pictures. (yes it shows up in some pools) Once I realized that others had probably done it as well, I stopped missing being in the pool quite so much.

This has been Funny Friday

Thanks again to Evie for making us all laugh

The cerebral palsy weight-loss plan

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Today’s comic is funny but it’s also very true. I can open a piece of candy or get a piece of cake for myself, but only if it is placed at a level where I can reach it. Even then, it takes a lot more effort to get the job done then it does for most people.The upside to this is that I rarely overdo it. I’ve never struggled with my weight or had to worry about what I was eating. Nothing like a built-in obstacle to keep you healthy. This holiday season I know it can be a extremely tempting to overindulge in all the good things that are around. You know as well as I do, you’ll feel better if you don’t. If you are having trouble with the self-restraint. Put some oven mitts on your hands while you’re trying to open candy. Better yet, put that cake or pie where you can’t reach it. When you do decide to indulge only allow yourself a little bit.

I have a massive sweet tooth. I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me I have some Candy sitting on the table next to me, and I’d really like a piece. I’ll probably have one before the afternoon is over, but I’ll make myself open it so I will use a little restraint.

 

This has been Motivational Monday

Today’s comic was done by Evie Marie I couldn’t do any of this without her.

Feel the burn don’t let the air conditioning get in the way


 

I’ll admit to being a bit of a gym rat when I was younger but as I get older it makes less and less sense. I really do think if anybody is watching us, they must find the idea of going to a building to work out fairly comical. Also I know  no one who looks good while working out.

 

This has been Funny Friday