Before you watch this video, I want to say that I am not responsible for what happens if you follow in my footsteps.
I never said I was smart…
This has been Funny Friday and yes that really happened.
Category Archives: Comedy
A wheelchair does not stop a kid on Halloween
I struggled with what to post today and then I remember tomorrow is Halloween. I had two costumes when I was a kid that I still remember as an adult. The first, and the best one, was at the age of about five. I went as Pac-Man . My mom drew the little guy on each side of a cardboard box and put it over my chair. The effect was that no matter which way I turned, I was coming at people as Pac-Man. The box had two holes cut into it so I can see where I was going. It was awesome.
The second costume I remember what is going as a ninja. This is funny because it is very hard to be ninja like in a wheelchair. It’s virtually impossible to sneak up on somebody. I was dressed in all black and matched my best friend at that time. I think even he knew he wasn’t sneaking in anywhere with me.
For those that don’t know the kid above it Is dressed as Mario in his cart from the Mario kart video games. That’s really cool and the parent who came up with that, should be applauded.
This has been Funny Friday. I will steal your candy.
Image can be found here
It takes work to look this good in a chair
“you must never under estimate the power of an eyebrow”
Jack Black
This video is about three years old. I’m posting it now because I got my haircut today. I still go to the same barbershop, and although I hate to admit it, I got my eyebrows waxed today. That’s right folks, I have been converted. It hurts yes, but every time I see an older man whose eyebrows are out of control, a little voice in my head says “see, THAT’s why you get that done”
I understand that this probably makes me vain. I never thought I was but every time a woman tells me that I don’t look anywhere near 36, I think to myself I must be on the right track. I don’t think I’m going to want to go hairless anytime soon but I didn’t think I would wax my eyebrows either. I figure my chair is enough for a woman to deal with. I should probably look less like Al Bundy and more like Brad Pitt as often as I can.
This has been funny Friday. if this didn’t make you smile you probably need an eyebrow wax and are in denial about it. 🙂
You’re going down Monday you can’t win
Even though I’ve never had a day job, I struggle with Monday just like everybody else. As I get older they seem to get worse. The best way I found to deal with them, it Is constantly reminding yourself that you are in control and it’s going to be a good week. You have no control over what goes on around you. Just make up your mind to have a good Monday whatever happens. Having a minion around also helps. Now back to devising my plan for a wheelchair themed amusement park. I need some help figuring out the rides, any ideas?
Image can be found here
I got nothing so I’ll just ramble
I can’t decide what to write about today. I’ve got nothing really inspirational and I’m not feeling that funny, so I’ll leave you with a couple of observations.
Observation one
Fred Savage might be ageless
I watched a couple of episodes of that new show on Fox called The Grinder. it’s got our friend Fred and Rob Lowe, I’ve seen two episodes and I think is really interesting, mainly because I believe Fred looks the same as he did like 30 years ago, right down to the Voice. His voice is exactly the same as when he was playing a teenager on The Wonder years.(That show was great, don’t even get me started), Like half way through my second episode last night, I kept expecting Connor McCloud to show up with a sword and try to take him on (who’s old enough to get that reference…. Anybody?)
Observation two
How is it winter already?
It’s October for crying out loud. I have no idea how we got here. One minute I’m trying to figure out how to get a tan quickly so I can wear shorts without blinding the unsuspecting public, the next I’m trying to find pajama pants because I’m cold(I’m wearing them now actually, and they are great)
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it on this blog but I get cold very easily. It probably has something to do with sitting all the time and having bad circulation. Unless it 85 outside, I am probably cold, I’ve never had a girlfriend in the winter. I’m thinking that’s probably good because I would want to snuggle all the time. I’m wearing pajama pants at 6:30 in the evening. I feel like a really old man. I was at a indoor volleyball game the other day, and I saw an older man in wheelchair wearing a blanket almost up to his chest. . To each their own, he might have been sick, I have no way of knowing, but I hope the only way you ever see me with a blanket in public is if I’m wearing it like a cape. Just saying.
See, this is what happens when I have nothing inspiring to say. I just get random.
Happy Wednesday folks
Image can be found here
Is it bad if I’m jealous of this guy?
I’m not ashamed to admit, this guy is better than me in every way possible as a comedian. He’s probably why I’ll never be famous. That said, if you listen everything he says about being handicapped is true in my experience
Happy Tuesday everybody
This is why I don’t go grocery shopping
How many kinds of toilet paper are available in the grocery store to buy? We literally flush it down the toilet. But there are probably 100 different kinds of toilet paper.
“Well this one’s more absorbent!” If you’re using toilet paper that’s not absorbent, it’s not toilet paper. “Sir, you’re wiping your butt with a $10 bill.” If you save up 2 of those you can buy some real toilet paper.
Yeah, toilet paper is getting expensive. If inflation keeps up, we’ll start using dollar bills. But til then…
My mom has this issue in the grocery store with orange juice. Pulp, no pulp, strained, concentrated, pure, natural… Maybe if I drink the right orange juice I’ll have a bigger penis, grow taller, have a better sex drive and maybe even stand up and walk one day…voila! It’s a miracle! It’s the miracle of orange juice. The right one, that is. If we knew which orange juice was really the real orange juice, maybe we wouldn’t need so many supplements.
Have you noticed that there are calorie and fat content labels on everything? I was drinking a bottle of water the other day and looked at it realized that they labeled it 0 calories. Is there anyone who thought water was fattening out there?
Image borrowed from here
Really cool site especially if you have kids
I want to be Darth Vader
That’s not true I really just want the arms and legs I’ve been watching through the Star Wars movies in order one through six all over again, getting ready for number seven in December. I’m really looking forward to it. JJ Abrams did so well with Star Trek, that I actually have faith he might pull off Star Wars
I’m such a geek that I also took the time to watch the entire clone wars animated series and I have to admit when you put it altogether it’s quite an epic story. You can make fun of the latest three movies if you like, but other than replacing a couple of the actors, I’m not really sure how they could’ve been better in terms of telling the story.
That said, I have to much time on my hands. After watching four of them so far. I have a few questions. First after Vader was burned there wasn’t much left. Did the Emperor have that suit on standby? I don’t think you’re going to stroll down to the 711 and pick up a Darth Vader suit.
Second, how does he use the bathroom in that thing? I have a hard time unbuttoning my jeans I can’t imagine trying to get out of that.
Third This all happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. where are my bionic arms and hands? Do I have to get maimed by light saber to qualify? It’s 2015. What’s the hold up?
I could walk with just a little help.
George Lucas made $4.05 billion when he sold everything off I wonder if he’s got that kind of stuff lying around that nobody knows about
The image can be found here
I’m a comedian I can’t help it.
I talked a little bit about my vacation a few weeks ago right here because I am a comedian everything gets put into my act. so, for your viewing pleasure today, I give you my latest standup act and Lauren’s Place in Second Life if you want to find out more about Lauren’s place you can find the whole crew on Google plus right here
Bring on the hover chair
The name game can a name make you feel less disabled?
I made this video to be funny, but in all seriousness, the names really are fairly stupid. My standing frame is called an EZ Stand. Believe me ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing easy about it. I guess if I had a marketing degree, it would all make sense to me. I wonder how many of these companies actually employ the kinds of people that use their products? My guess is very few. If you ask me to name a standing frame I’d come up with something like ” The Enduro Stand. It’s going to hurt, what’s your physical fitness worth?” At least it’s honest.