I wear a seatbelt so that I don’t fall out of my chair when people come up behind me and scream.

I have really super amazing hearing. My hands don’t work so well and my legs don’t work so well, but my ears work really well. Like SONIC HEARING good. I could be a whole new kind of Batman. Because of my super sonic hearing, I have an aversion to things that make loud noises, like guns, firecrackers and balloons.

I’ll never forget being taken to a party at church and they did that game where it’s like musical chairs but you sit on balloons. All the popping scared the crap out of me.

I was the guy in school that people figured out they could sneak up behind me and yell, which would make me jump. I wasn’t scared, but I have CP so when I get startled I become spastic because my brain works differently. I wear a seatbelt, so that I don’t fall out when people come up behind me and scream. They do that because they think my jumping is funny. My friends would do that. Then they would say they were sorry. And then they would laugh. I guess every superpower has a downside. I wonder if I can get some sort of endorsement deal for my super hearing?

I just did some research on the Internet and it turns out that super hearing is real (sort of) check this out. Just call me Golden ears.

The image can be found right here

Every social interaction that you may take for granted completely changes when you’re on wheels. It’s like being stuck in an alternate universe where you know how things should work, but the normal rules do not apply.

BROKEN SOCIAL NORMS

There are a lot of things that are “backwards” for me that people don’t think about. I personally feel that men should hold doors open for women. Maybe it’s a Texas thing, or maybe it’s just a traditional old-school man thing, but I really feel that I should open doors and pull chairs out for women. I can’t pull a chair out for a woman unless I get there 20 minutes early. How do I get my chair around her chair so that I can push her chair out of the way? And then once she sits down, how to I gracefully help her slide forward to the table? Maybe if I ram it under with my wheelchair. Yeah, that’s chivalry. And stuff.

Come to think of it, nothing with dating is as it should be for a guy in a wheelchair. I remember when I was much much younger being in a bar and a woman asking me to dance. So I go out in the middle of the floor and it slowly dawns on her that I can’t dance. So she asks me, “So, how exactly do we do this?” I smiled and said, “You can sit in my lap”. I took her for a spin around the bar in my wheelchair. She said she would remember it forever because it was the best time she ever had in a bar. She probably didn’t, because she was too drunk to even remember me by the next day.

Unfortunately, if I were in a room with sober women this never would have happened. If I were to ask a sober woman to sit on my lap in my chair, they would be worried that 1. they are going to hurt me or 2. they start thinking that I’m a pervert. I am not a pervert, but riddle me this, all you women out there…How is a handicapped guy supposed to touch you or make any sort of move whatsoever if you are hovering so much higher up there? I’m sitting, you’re standing. By social norms, I’m allowed to maybe touch your elbow or shoulder to connect with you, but reaching up for an elbow looks like I’m reaching up for a breast and anything below that is off limits. I’m totally screwed. I swear I’m not a pervert. But maybe if I throw myself out of my chair I can get you to touch me. LOL. Just kidding.

Me trying to actually make a move on a lady is like a three-toed sloth trying to climb up a tree. It’s like a one legged frog trying to swim to China from the USA, or even from Japan for that matter. But, I digress…

In college I had a friend named Nikki. We were fairly close. Her birthday was coming up and I asked her what she would like for her birthday. She said she would like a ride in my lap across campus to her class. All the women who saw us gave us looks like, “How did that guy get that girl into his lap?” The men seemed to be looking like, “That guy is awesome!” When she got to her class, the other girls were talking about her in whispered tones. Finally, she pulled one of the girls aside and asked what was up. The girl said that the other girls were concerned that she may have hurt me by sitting on my lap. They didn’t think it was “appropriate” and so forth. They asked her, “What if you had broken his legs?” Nikki confidently said, “The worst I could have done is break his legs, but it’s not like he uses those anyway!”

I’m so glad that she took the ride in my chair. I felt included and normal for a little while.

I can’t hold doors open for women either. Usually they hold the door open for me. This is completely emasculating. I feel like I’m a failure in some way when this happens. I say, “Thank you”, but I’m thinking, “If I had working legs, I would totally sweep you off of your pretty little feet. I might even carry you through the threshold.”

When shopping items are on the top shelf it’s embarrassing if I have to ask a woman who is 5 foot 3 wearing 3 inch heels to reach the Fruity Pebbles or Count Chocola for me because I can’t. (Yes, I’m a child.) Not only does she look at me strangely because I’m asking her to get the cereal for me, but also because of the type of cereal. I should shake the box and say, “I wonder if there’s a toy in here?”

I love music. If you have spent much time here at all, you’ve probably figured out I’ve always loved it. It’s part of my life every day. I’m very lucky to be able to promote Live independent music in virtual worlds. If you follow me on Facebook at all, you probably wondered what that was about. Well the short version is, there are unsigned artists playing music for people all over the world. I’ve been lucky enough to be part of the online music scene for more than five years. I just spent the last few hours of my evening listening to 2 fabulous artists who played concerts, to virtual clubs full of real people. One of them is a friend of mine from Nashville named Barbie ( yes that’s really her name) the picture at the top of this post this her avatar on the stage. If you had been there or had been listening on radio stream you would have heard her singing and playing guitar Live from Nashville. You can find out more about her and her band, who you can see play live if you’re in the Nashville area right here

The other person that I heard just before typing this post is the lovely Evie Marie ( AKA Singergirl if you go see her live) . She has been in music since the mid 1980s ( 1986 to be exact). She has played all over the world. Over the last year she has become a Part of my life on a daily basis. She is the one who drives me. The one who made posts to the site so easy that even I could do it. You can find out more about her right here

Both of these women have voices that make me forget my own name when they sing. Getting out and going to a live venue takes a lot of for a man on wheels. You have to worry about parking, accessibility of clubs, seating accessible restrooms, and it’s all different at every venue. So it’s extremely convenient for me to be able to log onto my computer and go to a concert in a virtual world anytime I want. For more information check out this article

This post will most likely keep expanding as I show you more of what I  do on the Internet.  Check the blog often for more of my adventures in the virtual world.

I got a semi full-time personal assistant in October.  since then I’ve been making a to-do list.  This list has to do with getting things done, that I never really have had the mobility or the help to do before.

One big thing on this list, is getting an agent. I’ve been speaking whenever I can for a very long time, but I’ve never had someone to represent me. Someone to work toward my  interest. If you talk to anyone in show business, one of the first things they say to you is get an agent. I decided that it was time.

I’ve never had experience with this sort of thing. I wasn’t even sure where to start so I called an agency here in town and told them that I was interested in seeking representation. To my surprise, they told me I should come in and see them. We set appointment for the afternoon, and I begin putting things together to give to them. The main piece is the PDF you can find by going to the link below.

JamieJordanOnePage2014

It has everything you need to know about me all at a glance. (well except for this blog I need to fix that) the second was a glowing recommendation letter from the last place that I spoke.  I was ready, I was going to take these people by storm.

I showed up a half hour early to look the building over for the best way in and such. As I’ve said before, you have to do a little extra prep being in wheelchair then a normal person would. As Jane ( that’s the semi full-time  personal assistant’s name) and I drove around the building. we realized that there was no accessible entry.

Before you get upset, let me just mention that this sometimes happens, and is just part of Life in wheelchair. We park in the parking lot adjacent to the building, so close that I can actually see the people inside. I call them and say that I have a 4 o’clock appointment but there is a small problem, I can’t get into the building.

First, the woman on the phone says to me. How wide of a door do you need? I say at minimum 28 inches.  For the next five minutes people inside frantically measure every door. Finally the woman on the phone says we think we can get you in the back but there’s a step. They have two men in the building that are willing to pick me up. To this I reply that my wheelchair is electric and it weighs about 600 pounds with me in it. I could just see these two men hurting themselves trying to pick the chair up and me somehow being responsible for that. After some thought she agreed. She asked me to hold and I saw the people in the building meeting again trying to figure out what to do.

After a few minutes the voice comes back to me and says that the woman I was scheduled to meet with, will come outside and meet with me.

Remember when I said that I showed up early? Even with all this confusion, it was two minutes until 4 o’clock, our scheduled meeting time.

The woman comes out, I can immediately see that she’s flustered and embarrassed and  doesn’t really know what to do. At this point I decide that I need to do my best to make her feel comfortable. I get out of my car shake her hand, give her the stuff I brought and begin to tell her about myself.

The whole time she seems completely out of her element, she tells me that an agent is not an manager and that she sits in our office and waits for her phone to ring. If someone needs a service like a motivational speaker, she matches the person on the phone with her clients  skills. She was very clear that she was not a manager. She said she wouldn’t actively spend the time seeking out work for me. Agents didn’t do that. This may be true, but I have met some agents not in my area that did seek out work for their clients. The way she said it, almost immediately after I got out of the car, felt like her best effort to send me somewhere else. I felt she was so uncomfortable from that point on, that she was just trying to get me out of the parking lot. I said what I had to say, and asked her to look over my stuff. She said she would, and then she said it was so hot outside that she couldn’t focus. I’m sitting there, having no problems focusing. I shook her hand again, and she began to walk away, saying it was hot, and she needed to get inside. I let her walk a couple steps and then said ” aren’t you going to need a way to get in touch with me?”

She hadn’t taken my number at that point and I could see she wasn’t going to. I had provided other ways to get in touch with me in the paperwork I gave her. My point  was to give her the best way to get in touch with me. I would think that would be a first priority for an agent.

Now think back to the beginning of this post. The fact that I couldn’t get into her building was a minor problem. That’s just something that comes up when you’re me. What I want you guys to see in this story, Is her reaction to me.

Our 4 o’clock meeting lasted less then five minutes. I was pulling out of the parking lot at 4:05. Why? The answer is, I made her uncomfortable.

I’m not upset with her. I’m just trying to make the point that I believe this is the way that 98% of population reacts to someone like me. It’s why  I do everything I do. No offense to Howard Stern, but I want to be the king of all media. I want to be on radio and TV. I want to write blogs, do interviews, and basically make a living being me. The reason for this, is that I want to show people that my issue, called a wheelchair. Is no different from issues that normal people deal with every day. I’m just a guy. Extraordinarily funny and gifted maybe, but still just a guy. The next time you see a person who is different from you don’t be uncomfortable, if you are not they won’t be either. It’s just a difference, be open, ask questions. You maybe shocked. because they’re actually willing to answer them.  Life is too short to be uncomfortable.